No, I didn't -- You can't lie about something you don't know. [ it's exasperation. she's been maintaining the dawn is my sister thing with spike and with dawn and god it's exhausting. snape, she trusts. snape gives good advice, and guidance, and ... and is her friend. snape she can tell. ] I don't have a sister. She's not ... She's not my sister yet. When I'm from.
I don't -- I don't have all the details. Not yet. Giles hasn't ... [ there's a twinge of bitter hurt and betrayal in her voice there because he let her down. he hid things from her and now she's not prepared to deal with this and it's hard and she doesn't know what to do. ]
What I do know is that it's magic. She is my sister. [ she can say that with certainty now. she's met her, she feels like her sister. she just doesn't remember her being her sister. ] She just ... hasn't been. She told me she's been alive for two years, but I don't know how far ahead of me that is. I don't know -- [ anything. she sinks into a sigh, letting it trail. ]
Giles knows, he realizes. Her mentor must know something about this, and may have given her some of the details, though not all of them.
He would very much like to take up the thread of criticizing Rupert Giles. He really would. But the situation doesn't call for such things, and it would be unfair (and telling of his private life) to allow Miss Summers to know such animosity exists. Particularly when Mr. Giles himself likely has no idea at all.
Besides: he can understand.]
There are...reasons people keep such things from those who feel they might otherwise benefit from the knowledge. No doubt he had...if not good intentions, then at least rational ones.
So what you know thus far is that you have no sister, but further in your timeline...you do, as the result of magic.
[ reassurance? that's definitely reassurance. that's definitely not what she'd expected. something along the lines of suck it up but in a really british way, maybe, but ... she appreciates it.
and he's right, so she just continues on, ramping up her rant a little as she does so. ]
Exactly! And I'm not from further in my timeline, so how am I supposed to know how to act? It's not like I've ever had a sister before. And - And Dawn doesn't deserve to deal with that. She deserves to have a sister. And I'm not -- [ she knows how to slay vampires. she knows how to deal with hell dimensions. she knows how to babysit spike and juggle it with her homework and do damage control on stupid rumors. but, she doesn't know how to be a sister. ]
She doesn't know. [ which really just means 'i haven't told her yet.' the same as giles hadn't told buffy. the same as keeping things from someone out of good intentions. ]
[He's not good at this reassurance thing, and it's taking him both effort and time to decide how to best be reassuring.
So there's another delay before he offers:]
There are times when lies and lies of omission are necessary. However...it would seem to me that any attempt to pretend that you remember her would only serve to upset her when the flaws begin to become more and more self-evident. You have no knowledge of her habits, her likes, her life. You do not bear the memories she does.
How would you feel if someone that you loved flat out said they couldn't remember you ever existing?
I'm her family, Severus. The only family she's got here. I can't hurt her like that. [ but, yes, she has considered it, and she continues to consider it, because it becomes more and more apparent that she can't fool dawn. she may not know dawn, but dawn knows her, and they're family which means that she of all people knows when something isn't right.
after a brief, quiet period of reflecting on this, something sets in. a fact that's absolutely unavoidable; ] I'm gonna hurt her either way, aren't I? [ because he's right. she doesn't know dawn. she doesn't know how to be dawn's sister. ]
[The silence which follows isn't wholly due to fumbling for an appropriate response. Something she said has robbed him of words, and it takes him a moment to answer.]
I expect -
[No, false start. A beat passes and he tries again.]
I expect it will indeed hurt her either way, but the lie will hurt more. If she loves you, it stands to reason that she should trust you, as well. As to...how she will feel: once again, she loves you. I should think, though she is young, she would be more willing to make accommodations for her loved ones.
I have no doubt you'll try to be what she wants and needs of you, regardless of your memories.
[ she's quiet. he's right, of course. she'll do whatever it takes. and she finally takes a vacation from the babble-ranting and panicking to calm down and really address this with some honest emotion instead of trying to move too fast for it to get her, and when she speaks again, it's genuine despair in her voice. ]
[ there's a deep inhale. there it is. sharp, british "suck it up." and she does. she steels herself, composes herself again, and she deals. no more showing how tough it is. ]
Right.
[ back to the original topic as she distances herself emotionally and cuts herself off. ] I'm sorry. for - For not telling you, when I found out what I did. I just didn't think ... But, I was wrong. I do have a sister. I have Dawn.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Was she adopted?
[Spike asked the same, but the little twit went to a private filter before he could see the answer.]
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I don't -- I don't have all the details. Not yet. Giles hasn't ... [ there's a twinge of bitter hurt and betrayal in her voice there because he let her down. he hid things from her and now she's not prepared to deal with this and it's hard and she doesn't know what to do. ]
What I do know is that it's magic. She is my sister. [ she can say that with certainty now. she's met her, she feels like her sister. she just doesn't remember her being her sister. ] She just ... hasn't been. She told me she's been alive for two years, but I don't know how far ahead of me that is. I don't know -- [ anything. she sinks into a sigh, letting it trail. ]
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Giles knows, he realizes. Her mentor must know something about this, and may have given her some of the details, though not all of them.
He would very much like to take up the thread of criticizing Rupert Giles. He really would. But the situation doesn't call for such things, and it would be unfair (and telling of his private life) to allow Miss Summers to know such animosity exists. Particularly when Mr. Giles himself likely has no idea at all.
Besides: he can understand.]
There are...reasons people keep such things from those who feel they might otherwise benefit from the knowledge. No doubt he had...if not good intentions, then at least rational ones.
So what you know thus far is that you have no sister, but further in your timeline...you do, as the result of magic.
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and he's right, so she just continues on, ramping up her rant a little as she does so. ]
Exactly! And I'm not from further in my timeline, so how am I supposed to know how to act? It's not like I've ever had a sister before. And - And Dawn doesn't deserve to deal with that. She deserves to have a sister. And I'm not -- [ she knows how to slay vampires. she knows how to deal with hell dimensions. she knows how to babysit spike and juggle it with her homework and do damage control on stupid rumors. but, she doesn't know how to be a sister. ]
She doesn't know. [ which really just means 'i haven't told her yet.' the same as giles hadn't told buffy. the same as keeping things from someone out of good intentions. ]
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So there's another delay before he offers:]
There are times when lies and lies of omission are necessary. However...it would seem to me that any attempt to pretend that you remember her would only serve to upset her when the flaws begin to become more and more self-evident. You have no knowledge of her habits, her likes, her life. You do not bear the memories she does.
Have you considered simply telling her the truth?
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I'm her family, Severus. The only family she's got here. I can't hurt her like that. [ but, yes, she has considered it, and she continues to consider it, because it becomes more and more apparent that she can't fool dawn. she may not know dawn, but dawn knows her, and they're family which means that she of all people knows when something isn't right.
after a brief, quiet period of reflecting on this, something sets in. a fact that's absolutely unavoidable; ] I'm gonna hurt her either way, aren't I? [ because he's right. she doesn't know dawn. she doesn't know how to be dawn's sister. ]
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I expect -
[No, false start. A beat passes and he tries again.]
I expect it will indeed hurt her either way, but the lie will hurt more. If she loves you, it stands to reason that she should trust you, as well. As to...how she will feel: once again, she loves you. I should think, though she is young, she would be more willing to make accommodations for her loved ones.
I have no doubt you'll try to be what she wants and needs of you, regardless of your memories.
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But what if I don't know how?
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Right.
[ back to the original topic as she distances herself emotionally and cuts herself off. ] I'm sorry. for - For not telling you, when I found out what I did. I just didn't think ... But, I was wrong. I do have a sister. I have Dawn.
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[A beat.]
If you -
[Well. She doesn't need help financially, and he's certainly not emotionally supportive.
But it does beg the question of why she's having this conversation with him and not Rupert Giles.
Ah, but he has an out:]
If you need help of any sort, don't hesitate to contact Dr. Jones.
[Who, in turn, will contact him. But he and Buffy aren't friends, you see, so giving that sort of forthright answer is entirely out of the question.]
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